KISS my ass
Jan 30, 2008 by Nick
My dad always told me that when Elvis Presley was asked about the rock band KISS his was reply was “kiss my ass”. I do not really know if that is true but I like to believe it is. I would have to agree with the King of Rock and Roll on this topic. KISS sucks!!! They are the most overrated band in the history of music. They have been able to hide behind a wall of makeup, pyrotechnics, their stupid ass KISS army, not to mention all of the dumb ass shit they sell (nothing says R.I.P. like a KISS casket). I think the video from last post proves how bad they suck. Nice Body Glove sticker on your guitar Paul Stanley, I guess they were all out of Mr. Zoggs Sex Wax stickers at the guitar shop.
I will admit I thought KISS was cool for about 5 minutes, that was also the same summer I thought the Harlem Globetrotters were the greatest basketball team on earth. Luckily as I got older I realized that there was more to being a great band than makeup and spitting blood. I started realizing that actually being able to play your instruments was a good start to being a good band. I guess KISS thought it was more important to design Christmas ornaments and lunch boxes. Gene Simmons loves to talk about how KISS is the greatest band in the world. If they are so F’N great then why did they need to go into the studio to overdub parts for their album “Alive”? Call me crazy but I thought live albums were supposed to be recorded live, not live except for the shitty parts that the band screwed up on stage. I can hear Gene Simmons now during rehearsals for their concerts.
Gene: Hey guys I think we would all agree I cannot play the bass guitar worth a shit
Band: Yes Gene, we do agree. You really do suck at playing the bass.
Gene: Well here is my plan, I will just spit blood, breath fire and stick out my tongue(that i had surgically implanted from a cow) all night long. That way nobody will notice I cannot play the bass.
Peter Chris: That is a great idea Gene, but what am I supposed to do to make people forget I cannot play the drums?
Gene: Great question Peter. We will have you sing a sappy bullshit ballad called Beth. The girls will be so busy crying and holding up there lighters they will never notice and their boyfriends won’t give a shit because they will be getting laid in the back of their Monte Carlo after the show.
Paul: Those are all great ideas but we also need to sell lunch boxes.
I am sure that conversation really happened. I think you can find it on Wikipedia. I could go on and on about my hatred of this band but I am sure you get the point. I would like to close with a one of the many great lyrics KISS has produced over the years:
“Baby, let’s put the X in sex
Love’s like a muscle and you make me wanna flex
Baby, let’s put the X in sex
Keep it undercover, baby let me be your private eye”
I am sure Bob Dylan is jealous he did not think of that first.
Later,
Nick
Posted in Nick's Rants
Ha! Nick…you crack me up. Surgically implanted tongue. Actually, I think the tongue was the main reason the band was so successful. Girls love make up and nice tongues. They had to wear make-up of course to cover up their ugly ass faces. It’s on the same level as why ICP wears their hideous make-up (speaking of shitty bands). If you want to talk about a GREAT band, your next blog should be all about Blue Oyster Cult. Peace, love,and rock-n-roll.
I used to think that kiss was cool, but I also used to think that Boy George was heterosexual and that “Hard for me to say I’m sorry” was the best song Chicago ever recorded. I agree whole heartedly that they do suck, that they cannot play their instruments and that they are way overrated. But, I will say that overdubbing “live” albums is not uncommon. Rumor has it that “Get Your Ya Ya’s Out” was not entirely done live. Excellent post. The video is shockingly bad. I look forward to a new entry.
I have never noticed this about Kiss but, then again, I don’t have the passion for music that Nick has. I guess I will pay more attention the next time I hear their songs. Thank you for dropping the knowledge.
When people ask me about Nick I respond with kiss my ass. Now I’m not going to come here and tell you that Kiss is greater than Elvis, but what I will tell you is that Kiss is good at what they do. I like to think of Kiss as the Michael Bay of music. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood for Citizen Cain and you’re ready for some explosions and that’s what Kiss does well. Besides, Nick only wrote this post because he’s jealous there isn’t a Wilco Army.